We are expecting our first bundle of joy in the coming year! Over the last few weeks, my husband and I have been contemplating parenthood and making lofty assumptions of what our child will be like, often wondering what traits he or she might possess. These conversations, along with all the "Christmasy-ness" that's springing up all around, led me to wonder what went through the heart of Mary even as she carried baby Jesus. Here's my peek into what she might have poured out to her diary as she prepared for the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Dear Diary,
Another few weeks have passed since the Angel of the Lord appeared and promised the birth of the Saviour. The news of a "virgin birth" has been welcomed with a mix of wonder, joy, skepticism and ridicule. My heart is still overwhelmed that God would choose a lowly woman such as me to bear the Messiah, yet I can't help but fight this sinking feeling of what the future holds.
As much as I long to see His face and coddle this baby in my arms, my heart often rises in reverence under the weight of the thought of the Holy One inside of me. On that day when I see His little face, would I kiss him with a mother's affection or just be in awe at the sight of God? Even as other young mothers brag about their children bearing their mother's hazel eyes or their father's chiseled jawline, I can only sit in wonder at what my baby would look like; for what is it like to bear the face of God?
My mother and my friends often talk of wailing infants in need of constant care and attention and share their wisdom on how to feed and when to sleep. But for now, I can't fathom the Son of God ever being in need of anything, or being anything less than perfect. Will He ever need me to wipe a tear or kiss a bruised knee? Could He ever be a troublesome toddler or a rebellious teen? Will I have to ever discipline Him -- for an unkind word spoken or a careless deed done? Will He be born with all wisdom and in all sufficiency, or will that only manifest with time? Will I get to build sweet memories of bedtime stories and silly play-fights or will all that seem too frivolous and in vain to Him? Who could ever know the dos and don'ts of raising a child who is God himself!
How can I begin to provide for one whose "throne is the heavens and the earth His footstool"? For what it must be like to be God and live among men! Will we always fall short under the weight of parenting the Messiah?
From my childhood days, I have heard that the Messiah is to overthrow the government and free the nation of Israel. I always imagined the Messiah would be born to royalty, not into the house of a carpenter. I wonder if He'll pick up his father's trade? But my guess is that He will work in the capacity of the government. Joseph has been kind and has graciously submitted to the Lord's doing. But I wonder if my child will always have to face the ridicule of being born of a "virgin birth". Well, I am guessing nobody will want to mess with Him once they know He is God Himself!
This and much more burdens my heart. I often wondered if even the appearance of the angel was a figment of my imagination or perhaps a much-too-real midnight dream; that was until I began to feel this precious little life growing inside of me. Oh what a wonder it is indeed, this miracle of life; let alone a supernatural virgin conception! Amidst this concoction of doubt, fear and joy -- at the end of the day when I lie on my back, rubbing my belly and feeling His kicking feet -- this is the one assurance I have: that the Lord is indeed with me!
Mary
Photo Credit: Unsplash
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Gesly, this is beautiful! I've been thinking about what Mary would have gone through when our Lord was crucified - cos though He was fully God, yet He was fully human. He was her child and at the same time her Lord. How it must have broken her heart to see Him suffer even though it was His will! Loved this post- every bit of it! And congrats on the pregnancy 🙂
Beautiful! Simply beautiful.. ❤